The Cubs DID win the World Series. Next.

I'll lend you my copy of "Atlas Shrugged" and we can convince him to go take some lessons from Ayn Rand, Ludwig von Mises, and Friedrich von Hayek.

This is really sloppy and incorrect logic. Assuming you can assign causality at all, the FBI announcement caused BOTH to move. In other words, the move in A didn't "cause" B to move. If anything, the move in C "caused" both A and B to move. Then the absurdity continues by extrapolating the degree of movement in a linear fashion. At least it was worth a laugh. Do you REALLY think there is a linear relationship there? If so, I have some swampland I can sell you in South Florida real cheap.

If A and B are correlated either A caused B, B caused A, a third factor (C) caused both A and B, or the correlation is spurious. Most assignment of "causes" to moves in the market are complete BS anyway. Post hoc rationalization at best.